Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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