Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
