Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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