it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
