You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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