don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
