She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
