i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
