xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
