i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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