does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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