I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
