my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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