I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
