remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
