I need help removing her.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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