how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
