So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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