I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
My liver just had a heart attack.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
