when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I could fuck to npr.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
