i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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