i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
