I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
