Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
