Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
