Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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