I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
