Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
