If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
