Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
