i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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