I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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