He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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