College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
