Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
