i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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