So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
