It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize
