We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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