exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
