my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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