it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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