Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
