What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
