At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
