so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
