Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
