I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
