I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
