Taylor Swift is so right about you.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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