you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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