Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
