i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
