the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Did I show you my penis last night?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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