i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
