so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
