dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Randomize
