Your face is a jimmy john
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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