Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
