if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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